But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he shaved USA in his pubs
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
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our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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