Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
