just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
