I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
