Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
