apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
