The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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