Sry I called you an 8
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
