I accidentally burped into my bong.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
