Her vagina should come with caution tape.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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