You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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