id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
