i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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