lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
