i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
