I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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