I accidentally had phone sex last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
