Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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