Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He passed out mid-signature
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
