you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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