The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
