life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
