dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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