Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
