the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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