fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Betty ford says i'm here all night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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