In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
