don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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