Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Randomize
