when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
