I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage