im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Someone shit on the floor
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.