I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
