just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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