She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
