You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
