Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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