I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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