No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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