I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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