Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
