my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
