I heard we made out
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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