It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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