So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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