i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
