i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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