did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
