I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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