I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
