Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.