This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.