I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE