So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
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so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.