$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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