how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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