Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
