I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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