You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
