Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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