I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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