this boner is exhausting
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
