I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Someone signed my nipple.
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