I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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