isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
