Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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