I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
