I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
