turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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