You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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