my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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