Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm at about main and main street
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
