why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
