We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
