im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
