I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
