ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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